I'm a wizard!

So I have just wrapped up the last bit I have to do for my doctoral degree here in Munich (side note: I can't call myself "Dr." officially until I get the diploma, for legal reasons in Germany, so this is not to be understood as such), and in honor of that I offer the following argument that I am a wizard:

The -ard suffix in English is an old holdover which turns an an adjective into a noun (example: drunk -> drunkard). A wiz-ard, then, is someone who is wise (*wiseard). Now, it's long been a claim of Christianity that theology isn't just a scientia, but a sapientia: not just knowledge, but wisdom. Now, achieving the requirements of a doctoral degree in "wisdom" seems to make one qualified as "wise" - one is doctus (learned) in wisdom, which is basically saying the same thing. That being the case, I lay claim to being a wizard. Bam!

(The only spell I seem to know is "transmute money to book", though)